Wednesday, June 15, 2005

When someone you don't fancy says 'I love you'

In the last few days I have had someone nag me and tell me that they want me for their girlfriend and yeah I know I asked bloggers to pimp me up (this one is not as a result of that blog BTW) but aii. I mean this guy does'nt get it, he calls me everyday, sometimes I answer sometimes I dont and when I do I keep it brief. I have tried to let this guy down gently but now he is really asking for it. I have told him stories about me not looking and me not being ready (hope he never gets to read my blog) after my previous which was lots of months ago but noooooo he keeps calling. I regret meeting him!

I hate breaking peoples hearts and in this case I can see a broken heart 'coming soon'

It got me thinking about the three little words that get misused all the time and how I have responded to one of those akward 'I love you' moments.

I think silence just says it all and changing the topic works just fine. That's if am not dealing with a dula, well if the guy is a dula then the best response for me is a simple 'thank you' and a quick exit.

I have never been in a situation where I have been required to say more than the above. What I know is you wanna say those three words when you know that the other person feels the same otherwise all you'll be getting is a thank you in response!

I love you guys! Now what do you say to that?

21 Comments:

At 8:24 pm, June 20, 2005, Blogger Guessaurus said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 8:25 pm, June 20, 2005, Blogger Guessaurus said...

Farmgal - wow, you can take my life. I have been in that situation many times, it always seems that the people who 'use' those words are the people we would rather didnt, and the ones that we want to, are the ones that dont.

The dating game is weird, the human emotions are weird and I wont pretend that I know better.

If you dont 'respond' you are cold and heartless, and if you are the one tossing the words around, you are desperate.

What to do? Wait, or jump in head first? Either way, unless its the real thing (which is?), then its a Catch 22.

Good luck with that one.... I dont envy you.

 
At 12:32 pm, June 21, 2005, Blogger Shiroh said...

KENYA MEME

 
At 6:30 pm, June 21, 2005, Blogger nick said...

when stuck in a jam-joke out of it,change that topic and scram!!!

i think the bigger issue is what happens whne someone fancies u and u dont fancy them back-with or without the 3words?
tactics ive used
-spread a rumor that will eventually land home of how ur not interested
-mention how u fancy so and so...and how lucky that the 2 of u are just friends

 
At 6:40 pm, June 21, 2005, Anonymous Msanii_XL said...

If only some situations could be wished away...

 
At 8:22 pm, June 21, 2005, Anonymous Mama JunkYard said...

Honesty....that's the best thing. Let the person know.

Though I think some people believe what they want to, have you been watching the whole Maxwell/Saskia saga on BB? It doesn't matter if Saskia gets Big Brother to announce over the tannoy that she (Sas) is not interested - he will still carry on.


But even those situations, be honest.

 
At 11:31 am, June 22, 2005, Blogger kari said...

surely nick ur tactics!!!only u can come up with those..farmgal u r so right..pple misuse that phrase like a nonsense!!its just shady behaviour!on 2nd thots nick,i should plagarise ur tactics:-)

 
At 3:57 pm, June 22, 2005, Blogger M said...

Nick you're a clown! LOL!

But seriously, it funny how the people you're interested in shoot you down and the ones you'd wouldn't are all over you like a cheap suit...

Let the jamaa know in black and white at the earliset opportunity. If he is unable to take the direct truth then that's his problem!

 
At 5:43 pm, June 22, 2005, Blogger akiey said...

I feel for you girl & I've been there too:( And isn't it amazing that when you're taken, enjoying a good relationship & all is 'kool & the gang' the wannabe loves start hitting on you from everywhere!?
Donnoh, maybe let him know you're not ready for a r/ship & that you have a lot to sort out in your personal life before you make any moves?

 
At 6:09 pm, June 22, 2005, Blogger Farmgal said...

@guess its indeed a catch 22

@Nick I have no words for you, that's original though.

@msanii_xl I have wished this away but its not going anywhere, I guess i'll have to keep on wishing....

@mama j' If I tell him straight I'll hurt his feelings If I dont he will continue irritating me. and yes its now become a bad 'itch'

@kari...misused all the time but i tell you what nothing feels as good as saying it to someone who feels the same.

@M I wish i had the courage to say it in black and white. i think am a softie.

@akiey I have tried all that am not ready for ...trick but its not working. he is willing to wait and even change afew things he thinks are holding me back.

 
At 7:54 am, June 23, 2005, Blogger M said...

It may be hard but it's less trouble for you in the long run. Trust me, i'm a proud student of the school of hard knocks!

 
At 8:53 am, June 23, 2005, Blogger OneAndOnlySoph said...

Never happened to me. I HAVE been in the situation where I have said it and they just kinda sit there for a sec then kinda mumble "me too..." Believe me, the other side of this situation is just as bad. -Soph

 
At 11:39 am, June 23, 2005, Anonymous Mama JunkYard said...

By not telling him who's feelings are you protrecting? I think he will hurt more if he ever finds out you weren't honest and you too shall continue to stress over it.

Whereas if you tell him; the worry shall leave you and he shall soon get over it.

Honesty doesn't mean being tactless and there are ways in which you can let him know without totally destroying him.

 
At 12:38 pm, June 23, 2005, Blogger Prousette said...

Ok this is really sticky; messy; the works!
What to do. Say it calmly and in as many sentences as possible so as not to seem brutal
"Am honored you feel that way but I do not reciprocate." Alternatively invent a husband/ boyfriend am sure you have some male friend who would play along I've done it lots of times and works; lakini I have never understood those really difficult jamaa's who insist on hitting on you even though you are clearly not interested the ones who believe a woman's no is a prelude to a yes in future yikes!! Good luck.

 
At 1:04 pm, June 23, 2005, Blogger M said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 1:04 pm, June 23, 2005, Blogger M said...

btw when i say black and white i don't mean tactlessly. I mean in such a way that he does not get false hopes

 
At 6:19 pm, June 23, 2005, Blogger Clayton said...

the best way to get rid of someone is to simply pee on their bed. I promise it works every time.

 
At 8:12 pm, June 23, 2005, Blogger Farmgal said...

@M is that coz you are tall and the door frames are lower....am just playing

@oneandonlysoph thanks for stopping by mumbling doesnt help much either.

@Mama J I worry too much about other's feelings but it gets to the point I have to apply my ruthless methods. at the moment am just looking at my phone ring...last resort kinda...

@proussette I wish I'd invented a boyfriend when i first met him, didnt expect him to be smitten.

@M I have tried not to seem to lead him on with my being nice. problems with this jamaa is he is willing to wait.

@clayton ..thats new but how do I get into someone's bed when I'm trying so hard to avoid them.

 
At 5:41 am, June 24, 2005, Blogger Clayton said...

details... :)

 
At 2:00 pm, June 24, 2005, Blogger kinyi said...

OMG!Ditto! I've been there firstly
the best thing is to tell him you really don't feel him or his style and you see no future in it. spell it out if you must as long as he isn't confused about your feelings.

my situation turned out weird because no matter how much I told him I didn't like him or how much I pointed out the various reasons why we couldn't be 2gether e.g his height...the brotha just kept on trying and at first i got pissed off, then he was in my face all the time until i got to know him better and viola...we are now closer but not dating because I will not commit to a guy I swore blind that I would never date...so I'm hoping that it all just sizzles out wthout much ado! I'm glad I got to know him though he is a valuable friend just not dating material.

Good Luck.

 
At 6:51 am, October 09, 2007, Blogger LoverSean said...

This is a simple answer (assuming its a guy saying it to a girl:)

If you feel the same way, obviously say it back!

If you really like him, but aren't to that point yet, just tell him (in so many words) how sweet you thought it was but that you are not ready.)

If you don't like him and don't reciprocate any positive feelings at all tell him you think he is nice, but that HE IS NOT RIGHT FOR YOU. A quick break is better than days or weeks of ambiguity, at least from a guys perspective. Noone likes to hurt others, but we all have to hurt someone sometime to avoid hurting them more in the future.

 

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